Dealing with Change: Finding Mental/Emotional Clarity (a transcribed podcast)
It’s a Friday evening, and instead of binging on countless shows, I am sitting in my room recording myself, ready to put my words into existence.
Today’s topic: transitions and change.
We all have different transitions we go through in life. There’s the transition from high school to college, college to adulthood, moving from one place to another, and of course, there’s also the transitions we find ourselves in personal relationships (making a lot of friends to losing each of them, being in a relationship to falling out of one, etc). The list goes on.
Personally, I feel that transitions has to do a lot with how you percieve change. Change is a big thing in life and personally for me, change is a metamorphosis — a natural development stage. Change can be both good and bad, but for the most part, change is a cleansing process: a rebirth, a renewal. It allows us to grow, to develop, to mature into something or someone that we want to become. Going through this process helps us lead to that path we want to take and to the person we desire to become.
“Change can be both good and bad, but for the most part, change is a cleansing process: a rebirth, a renewal.”
To provide some personal context, I struggled with a lot of change in life. In the beginning, transitions were not easy for me. It is not only the physical or mental transition I talk about here, but more specifically, the emotional spectrum of transitions.
Forming a bond with someone in relationships, especially in friendships, never came easy to me. When it came to high school, I was one of the many who became overwhelmed by the pointless teenage drama. I’ve lost many friends along the way and it was this transition — this change — that was something I had to adjust to. I was on my own and I had to learn how to be on my own (surprising, coming from an only child who has essentially always been alone).
In the beginning, that feeling of loss is traumatizing. It is not something we have dealt with before, it is a new experience that I think we all go through at one point in our lives. We all go through loss.
In high school, there came a time when it was the most difficult. It wasn’t necessarily because I didn’t have a person to talk to or trust and share things with, but it was more so this new environment that I was suddenly in. Despite being under the same roof, the same school building as all of these other people, I felt different and out of place. And I think that is what is difficult for most of us — change. Something new, something that we’re not used to.
Facing discomfort.
Growing up as an only child, I think I manifested in this sense of indepedence where I felt comfortable being by myself. But externally, in an environment like school, it wasn’t always the case. Things were different because I was surrounded by all these people and by a group of whom I referred to as “close friends.” It was that kind of transition that I struggled with at first.
Over time, I learned to not care too much about having a so-called “group of close friends” and to simply be comfortable with being by myself again.
Now that kind of independence is healthy.
Moving on deeper into this idea of emotional and mental transition, it’s something not a lot of us think about at first. When talking about tranformations and change, most of us immediately think about physical growth and physical change. Or even relationships, migration, etc. That’s why it is so important to recognize mental and emotional transitions.
For example, I know I was once in a dark place mentally where I was unable to face my own emotions. Even if I was alone in a room, I found it difficult to listen to my own voice and feel within my soul and within my emotions on a deeper level. I felt numb and lost, and I started to question my identity. I didn’t know how I felt about things. I didn’t know what to feel. Everything was unclear and conflicting until I soon realized that going through that process was part of growing up. Growing through that mental transition, talking with yourself, and listening to your own voice is equally as important as talking/listening with others. It sounds silly at first, and I don’t always admit it, but I do talk to myself from time to time (meaning at least ten times a day). Yes, I can hear you. “Is she crazy? Sick in the head maybe?” Why is it that there is this stigma with talking to yourself — the person you know best? We shouldn’t feel ashamed for responding to our inner voices. It is a very healthy, gluten-free development process that has changed my perspective on many things. It also helps with maturing emotional intelligence. A lot of emotionally intelligent people are able to talk with theirselves comfortably and recognize the voice inside their head. It is what we call “self-awareness.”
“Growing through that mental transition, talking with yourself, and listening to your own voice is equally as important as talking/listening with others.”
When I say talk to yourself, I don’t mean going into a room and start shouting at blank space (now that is a little extreme), but simply listening to those voices in your head in silence, and responding to them in silence. However, we all express in different ways, and so some of us may find it easier to talk out loud, which is also okay.
Communicating with yourself is a huge mental exercise. That’s how I learned to touch base with my emotions and that’s what helped me to be able to express my emotions freely with other people. It is a learning process, but one that we should nurture.
To pull out another card, the whole “love yourself before you love others” can apply to this phenomenon. Face your own emotions before you express them with others. That is the only way you’ll really be able to feel comfortable expressing your emotions freely or on your own.
“Face your own emotions before you express them with others.”
I do have to say, even now, I am not someone who goes around expressing every emotion to every person I talk to. It isn’t because I don’t feel comfortable with my emotions, but because I don’t feel comfortable with that person yet. This is purely part of who I am — I’m assuming it is relatable for most people — and it takes time for me to open up to someone. I have to build that bond and that trust in order to confide with my deepest emotions with you. It’s not that I can’t express my emotions, but I choose not to.
Being an ambivert, it goes both ways for me. I avoid over-sharing and over-expressing, but when I have days where I struggle with my emotions, I will turn to someone I trust and reach out for help when necessary.
Speaking from experience, bottling up your emotions is not being “emotional mature.” You are not a burden if you reach out to help, you are simply someone who is looking for help. If you consistently hide your emotions, it will back fire you. The exhaustion becomes harder on yourself and on those around you.
Being emotionally mature means knowing when and how to express your emotions freely with the people around you and to reach for help when needed.
You can’t always help yourself — sometimes we need help from others and that’s completely okay.
*cue elevator music*
This podcast is transcribed for those who prefer to read than listen to an audio. Mind you, you are reading my vocalized thoughts, which carry much complexity and for the most part, disorganized.
If you would like to listen to the audio podcast, please check out https://open.spotify.com/show/6UFKEOdsehzKT2rOusyrGm?si=HItvDl0AQpq4EhJk5nNJNQ or anchor.fm/sparesomechange.
