In Isolation

We’re all stuck at home.

A sancturary for some: a go-to stop, a lounge, a place like magnet. For others, a last stop, a prison cell, a place like hell.

Currently, I am sitting on the couch in my living room thinking in the present moment. I imagine the crackling noise coming from the fireplace, the fake thunder and rain from outside, and most of all, the silence that rings my head.

It has been almost half a year in quarantine. The number isn’t really all that matters, rather, it’s the experience and the lessons learned thus far.

So how has all this self-isolation been for me? What things have I learned?

When I look past these few months, I see a fast-forward version of my memories being captured through a time-lapse. That’s because time has been shorter, quicker, as we spend our days sleeping in bed and lounging around, finding things to do. Finding productivity.

As a student, I am beginning to realize the value of attending school, and talking to fellow peers and teachers on a weekly basis. I remember at the time, I would complain about the pointlessness of all the subject matters and the lack of purpose in the materials that we were learning. Little did I know, I miss those days the most. Those days I woke up to the horrendous sound of my alarm, reluctantly snoozing, being late to my first period class, laughing at someone’s jokes in my third period class, running out of breath in the laps we had to run in gym, and fulfilling the joy of hearing that bell.

Those nights that I went to bed knowing that the same thing will happen tomorrow. I wonder if it’s this so-called routine that I miss or if it’s the comfort that I felt in the moment.

Despite the lack of human interaction, I have to admit that I am learning a lot through this isolation. I feel — and I mean actually feel — my presence. I hear those voices and overthought thoughts in my head, and instead of pushing them away, I listen to them. I take the time to reflect on myself through a mental state. It’s like meditation, but self-made meditation.

Now, let’s talk about isolation. What does it really mean?

For a while, many of us have felt isolated before. Whether the experience was traumatizing or calming, isolation is an entity, not only an empty space. For me, isolation carries more than just a word but a voice. It’s a voice that is and always will be somewhere in my headspace no matter where I go or what I do.

It isn’t easy adjusting to this new reality, this new normalcy, but it’s never too hard to try new things.