Self-reinvention: Finding your self worth + setting boundaries (a transcribed podcast)
A nice rainy Friday evening with a hot cup of green tea on one hand and a cookie in the other. Perfect time for another podcast. Also, who doesn’t love baked chewy chocolate chip cookies?
Today’s topic: self-reinvention.
Last week was all about transitions and change, and so it only felt necessary to continue on the concept of personal growth.
After finding mental clarity, one will come to a realization of wanting to start a new chapter. Something most of us call self-reinvention.
To me, self-reinvention involves finding your self worth, finding love within yourself, and listening to those voices in your head instead of pushing them away.
I am personally still in this process; I am still going through these stages where I am learning to re-invent myself every single day with everything that I do. (Whether it’s as simple as reading self-help books to treating myself to a nice bath with dimly lit candles. Even simply sitting down to take a moment in silence to have a daily self-conversation). I do this as I am learning to accept myself for who I am and as I am going through this journey to find my self worth and my self identity. It’s something a lot of us struggle with, and in the end, it is what unites us together.
“…self-reinvention involves finding your self worth, finding love within yourself, listening to those voices in your head instead of pushing them away.”
You are not alone.
Essentially, everyone is going through this. The person sitting next to you on the bus, your co-worker, your teacher, your family, anyone might be going through the same process — some of us are simply better at hiding it than others.
A lot of us tend to mask ourselves with this idea of “perfection” and we avoid exposing the struggles and the bumpy roads we all go through. People hide their insecurities, their vulnerabilities, and we are scared to open up to them and express our emotions freely.
It’s quite normal — to be afraid of showing your failures to the person next to you. It is hard to let someone in and let your guard down for someone.
This gets me to my next point: Setting boundaries.
I had a friend who struggled with this matter, and he specifically struggled a lot with self-acceptance and being open to let other people in his life. The way that self-reinvention works really depends on who you are as a person and how you cope with things, how you work towards different obstacles, and how you progress through certain struggles.
To give some personal context, my self-reinvention had its fluctuations. Similar to a lot of other things we go through in life, this was — still is — a challenge. I am still working towards this journey of self-discovery but at the moment, the journey is rather stable and less bumpy (hoping it stays that way). I’ve come to a point in my life where I feel comfortable with where I am and who I am. The people I interact with everyday or any new people that I meet are the ones who teach me new lessons and new aspects of life; they allow me to see things in a different perspective.
In a way, I am learning new things through every day people. By listening to different view points and different opinions rather than stirring a direct confrontation, I am able to develop further into this undergoing metamorphosis.
Self-reinvention also tends to affect relationships — not only with yourself, but with those around you.
When you are going through this stage of starting a new chapter and finding who you are and where you belong, a lot of people will assume that you are pushing them away, when in reality, you are prioritizing yourself.
Speaking from experience, it is difficult to really focus on yourself when you have all these other people around you trying to eye ball each step you take. But that doesn’t mean you should feel the need to push them away. You can, actually, focus on your own needs without feeling like a disappointment to others! Surprise, surprise but it is quite easy to be on this self-care path even if it might take some time (but again, what is there in life that doesn’t take time?).
Do not, however, cling onto toxicity. I repeat, DON’T CLING ONTO TOXICITY!
During this journey of self-reinvention, you should priortize your own desires and needs over the benefit of others. Benefit yourself and treat yourself — it’s the only way you can fix yourself. If you feel it is necessary to drop certain (toxic) people out of your life, then you should do so! As you should.
Sometimes, to prevent losing yourself, you have to lose other people.
Personally, I had to lose a lot of people in order to find myself and find people who I can share a benefit with.
It’s important to find that mutual connection.
“Sometimes, to prevent losing yourself, you have to lose other people.”
Setting boundaries.
Now, this is something a lot of people struggle with. Especially in relationships, setting boundaries are synonymous to building a literal wall between two people.
Most people try to set boundaries because they don’t feel comfortable in the moment, whether it’s a person or a place. There has to be a better build up of trust and patience — all of which is completely okay!
Overall, it is important to set certain kind of boundaries to some extent. For example, if you don’t set any kind of boundaries whatsoever, then that can become a problem. I know some people who are very open and are very optimistic. It’s nice, but sometimes being a little too open at first can be a risk.
Over time, you will begin to realize how it affects you and it will affect you because these people now have access to “run over” you and walk all over your territory. Fortunately, it is not always the case, but I know a lot of people who struggle with letting people in and setting boundaries and drawing the line between the two. At the end, they become disappointed due to the consistent struggle.
Remember, we’re all human. We make mistakes and poor decisions, and it really comes down to who you are as a person. Are you more of an observer on the first date or are you the one answering all the questions?
The problem with setting boundaries is some people manipulate this process.
Coming to this self-realization through these traumatic experiences or toxic relationships is probably the most important part. It is a huge step and connects to your self-awareness and your ability to differentiate what is right from what is wrong.
To summarize, self-reinvention (in my “expert” opinion), involves three divided stages:
- self-awareness
- the process (renewal, rebirth, re-invention / setting boundaries)
- self-realization
These three stages are essential to the whole process of self-reinvention. It may not be for everyone but again, in my not so expert “expert” opinion, they are the three prime stages.
That’s all I got for today.
*cue elevator music*
This podcast is transcribed for those who prefer to read than listen to an audio. Mind you, you are reading my vocalized thoughts, which carry much complexity and for the most part, disorganized.
If you would like to listen to the audio podcast, please check out https://open.spotify.com/show/6UFKEOdsehzKT2rOusyrGm?si=HItvDl0AQpq4EhJk5nNJNQ or anchor.fm/sparesomechange.
